When we were together, he never spoke much about his parents. I used to try and encourage him to talk to me but he was just a really private person.
But I really wanted to get to know him, I had this vision of us having a child together and him (God forbid) dying suddenly and our child one day asking me ” what was daddy like, tell me some stories about him” and me just staring, all puzzled because I actually didn’t know anything about him, his childhood, his parents, his life. Imagine that- no tales to pass on about dadddy.
Slowly but surely he started to open up, not very much. But it was all really organic. Maybe we was watching a TV programme and something would trigger a remark.
He told me how his dad loved women, how his dad had even had sex with a girl when they were in a hotel sharing a room. Women had always been a vice to his dad. I said to him, your like your dad. He laughed and said no im not, I said yes you are. The only difference between him and his father was that his dad didn’t try to hide it, he was unapologetically a cheat and he owned it. He didn’t really try to hide it. But He was not, he was quiet,a reserved cheat, to the extent that he didn’t even feel that he related to his dad. But they were one of the same. Imagine being a child and seeing the pain that cheating caused your mum, to your family and saying to yourself I will not do the same- and actually growing up to repeat the cycle with ease, like a pro.
If there was one thing I really didn’t want was as cheating man- but if I was to get one, I wanted an apologetic one. Not one who doesn’t even feel they are a cheat. I got neither.
Sons are their fathers. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.